Sitting beside the ocean Sam watched as the waves crash onto the shore.  She may have been there physically, but mentally and emotionally she was light years away.  In her mind she replayed everything that had happened though it had been almost two months.

 

Why?  After all they had been through, why did this have to happen?

 

It was starting to get cold and Sam wrapped her coat around her tighter.  The tears had stopped a month ago.  She seriously didn’t think she had any more to shed.  Every day since she resigned her commission and moved to Oregon, Sam would sit on this rock and watched the ocean.  It was the only thing that comforted her now.  The blue of the waves reminding her of his eyes.

 

Oh those eyes.  If there was anything that she had to pinpoint, that made her truly fall in love with him, it was his eyes.  Pools of eternity.  Twin stargates of deep, passionate love.

 

***

 

Daniel had come back from a mission that failed in saving several SG personal.  He was distraught and distant.  Sam found him in his office late that night.  He had been crying.  She knew he wasn’t one that would let his emotions out unless the hurt was extremely deep.

 

She went and sat down beside him, putting her arm over his shoulders.  Nothing was said.  Nothing needed to be.  Sam could feel the tension ease out of him slowly, as he wept.  She pulled him to her, resting his head on her shoulder.

 

“I tried, Sam,” he sobbed quietly.  “I, I just couldn’t get to them.”

 

“I know, Daniel.  Shhhh.  It will be okay.”

 

Gently stroking his hair, she wondered what had really happened on that planet.  She had read the report and sat in on the debrief.  The SG-9 team leader filled them in on most of the action.  Daniel, however, was unusually quiet.

 

This was the first command of a SG team that he had.  It was highly unusual that a civilian was given this opportunity, but he had proven himself, time and time again over the last ten years.  It seemed only fitting that he would lead this rescue.  But it all went wrong the moment they stepped through the ’gate.

 

Sam felt Daniel quiet in her arms.  He pulled away, wiping his face with his hands.  He looked so lost, it broke her heart.  No matter how much he had matured, how strong he had become, she would always see the wide-eyed wonder of the boy that rested just beneath the surface.

 

At that moment, when he was mourning the loss of colleagues, Sam was hit with a blast of raw realization.  She was in love with this man.  Truly, and deeply in love.

 

***

 

Walking back into her new house, Sam felt a knot tightening in her stomach.  She had lost so much weight; she knew that it wasn’t good.  If only Janet were alive.  Or even her Dad.  Jack was off in Washington, Cam and Vala still with SG-1.  Teal’c was off world with Bra’tac.  There was no one here for her.

 

One last look at the darkening ocean, Sam closed the door.  This was not her home.  Her home was gone.  This was just a house, somewhere to sleep and eat, but not a home.  Putting some water on to boil, she leaned against the counter.  A shiver ran down her spine.  Her mom had teased her that that was when a ghost walked though her.

 

Unbidden, a sob broke though.  Maybe there were still tears.  Sinking to the floor, she let them come.

 

***

 

After the funeral of the lost SG members, Sam took Daniel to a quiet park.  They walked close by each other, in a comfortable silence.  When they found a bench by the still lake, Sam sat down and watched her friend as he wandered to the edge of the water.  His hands crammed into his pants pockets, as he so often did, he kicked at some stones.  Daniel had finally told her exactly what had happened on the failed mission.  She knew that he had come to terms with the fact that he had done everything that could he have to save them.  It still didn’t set well with his passionate soul.  He didn’t like losing a single life.  And when it was up to him to try and save one, not being able too was just too much to ask.

 

Daniel turned back to Sam, going and sitting down with her.  He was pensive.  Distracted.

 

“Daniel?” she asked, “what’s wrong?”

 

He was silent for a time.  Then looking into her eyes, he took her hand in his.

 

“Sam, I’m going to tell you something I have been wanting to for several years now.”

 

Looking down and taking a steadying breath, he continued, “I love you!”

 

There, he said it aloud and to the person it was meant for.  “I have loved you since you came into my tent on Vis Uban.  I didn’t remember who I was or you were or anything else, but I knew the feelings that burst inside of me when I saw you.  When you spoke to me and smiled at me.  You were the only reason I came back here.

 

“As the memories began to return, I realized that my feelings for you were not going to be reciprocated, so… I buried them, as deep down as I could, and tried to move on.”

 

He looked up into her face again.

 

“After what happened on that mission, I couldn’t bare not telling you how I felt.  I didn’t think it fair to either of us.  I don’t expect anything from you.  And I truly hope this won’t come between us as friends.  I just needed to let you know.  I love you.  With all of my heart and soul.”

 

His eyes bright with unshed tears, his face a picture of absolute sincerity.  Sam’s heart broke the last barrier of defense down.

 

Taking his head in her hands, she leaned in and kissed him.  Eyes wide with shock, Daniel paused for an eternity.  Then, as she continued the slow and progressively passionate kiss, Daniel melted into her arms, and responded.  Lips parting, tongues exploring, butterflies exploding in his stomach, he took up the kiss and expanded upon it.

 

His touch, his taste, his smell, Sam had to have been comatose for the last several years to be unaware of this man.  Reluctantly, she pulled free of his lips, but only a few inches.

 

“I love you, too, Daniel Jackson!”

 

***

 

Curled into a ball, Sam watched the fire in the fireplace sputter and pop.  Sipping her tea she fell back into her memories.

 

***

 

The night of their confession of love was spent at Daniel’s house.  They talked for hours.  All about their feelings, dreams, regrets.  It was comfortable and easy.  Snuggled close by each other, they continued the entire night.

 

Very early in the morning, Daniel walked Sam to the door.  He took her hand in his.

 

“Would you like to go to dinner with me?”

 

Sam giggled, “Are you asking me out on a date?”

 

“Well, um…I, I… I guess so.”

 

He was the picture of shyness.  Hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, again.  He was embarrassed.  Sam loved the way he stammered when he was uncomfortable.

 

“I feel like a couple of kids.”  She smiled warmly at him, “Yes, I would love to go out with you.”

 

That said, her mouth was on his in the last of the nights long, meaningful kisses.  He smiled bashfully at her.

 

“I’ll pick you up at 6:00.  Okay?”

 

Nodding, Sam beamed at him.  This was just too good to be true.

 

***

 

Sam awoke, cold and alone.  The fire had long since gone out.  In the dark, it felt as if she were the only person on earth.  She got up and slowly walked into her bedroom.  All of her clean laundry was piled on the bed in a heap.  She left it that way these days.  She liked the feel of something soft on the bed with her as she slept.  Maybe she should get a cat.  Shaking her head, she burrowed under the covers and laundry, leaving only her nose exposed.

 

It had only been a month or so that she and Daniel were together, before…

 

***

 

Stepping out from the restaurant door into the light spring rain, Samantha Carter was on cloud nine.  This was only the latest in a series of dates that they had been on.  Now she was sure that this was the man, whom only a few weeks ago realized she loved, was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.  It was a long time in coming, and now she planned on soaking every minute up.

 

Instead of running to the car like everyone else, Sam walked hand and hand with her love.  She was enjoying the rain.  Moreover, she was enjoying being with Daniel.

 

Deliriously happy and soaking wet, Daniel and Sam entered his house.  The dinner was perfect.  The long walk in the rain even more so.  Why had they waited so long?  Daniel stared at Sam.  His eyes bright, deep and full of love.  Love only for her.  She felt her knees turn to butter.  He smiled, searching her face, memorizing each and every curve and contour.

 

“You’re wet,” he murmured.

 

“So are you.”

 

“I’ll get you something to change into.”

 

He turned to go when she caught his arm and pulled him around.  Standing on her tiptoes and pulling his head down to hers, she kissed him.  Lips parted as they continued with the only way they had expressed their love so far.  Pulling away, he saw her smiling seductively at him.

 

“How about we just get undressed?”

 

The look of shock faded quickly, “But you’re shivering.”

 

“You can warm me up,” she whispered as she slowly pulled him towards his bedroom.

 

“Sam, I…I don’t want to move to fast.  I don’t want to jeopardize this by rushing things.”

 

Still leading him, she stared into his eyes.  “Nothing will jeopardize this, Daniel.  I want you.  I need you.”

 

His heart just about leaped from his chest.  Gathering her up in his arms, he carried her the rest of the way into his bedroom.  Laying her gently on the bed he began to unbutton her blouse.  Taking his time and enjoying the way she squirmed with anticipation.

 

Leaning in, he covered her mouth with his.  Hands caressing her now exposed skin.  Tracing the gentle line of her body, he took great pleasure in her low, needy moans.

 

Sam tugged his shirt from his pant waist, wanting to feel his skin on hers.  She pulled at his hair, gasping for a breath.  Slowly he made his way down her neck with soft, intimate kisses.  Moving his hands in a skillful, artistic way, he unsnapped her bra and gently pulled it away.  Blouse and under garment now tossed aside, he looked at her.

 

“Oh God!  You are so beautiful!”

 

Sam could feel her heart skip a beat when he said that.  It felt good to hear that she was desirable by a man.  Being military, the uniforms weren’t exactly made to show off the cleavage.

 

She could tell that he was trying to make this moment linger, but his body was quivering with need.  She reached out and pulled his shirt off, adding it to hers on the floor.  The dim light from outside cast him in glorious shadows.  He seemed to be carved with such grace that Sam knew the artist was crying when he finished the work that was Daniel Jackson.

 

He kneeled and began to pull Sam’s skirt down her long legs a millimeter at a time, kissing her each and every step of the way.  When that piece of clothing was discarded, he came up between her legs, exploring each curve and dimple.  His kisses came to her nether region and her breath caught in her throat.

 

“Oh, god!” She moaned.

 

Daniel felt a rush of longing and suddenly stood up to unbuckle his belt.  Sam sat up and caught his hands.

 

“Let me,” her voice was low, provocative.

 

Just to return the favor, she undid his pants as slowly and methodically as she could.  She glanced up and saw he had his head thrown back and his lower lip clamped firmly between his teeth.  She watched the rise and fall of his chest quicken as she pulled his zipper down.  His pants fell to the floor as soon as they were open.  She smiled to herself, noticing that they were at least a size to big for him.

 

Then her eyes rested on the bulge that was pulling his boxer briefs tight.  Catching her breath, she knew the goose bumps that covered her skin had nothing to do with being cold.  She lovingly pulled the waist band out and released the man before her.  As the briefs slid down his muscular legs, Sam leaned in and kissed the head of his cock softly.

 

The moan that Daniel let out echoed in her heart.  She knew that this was the most perfect moment of her life.  She was with the one she loved, body and soul.  Now, she had to have him even closer still.  Mouthing his erection with ever increasing pressure, Sam felt Daniel tense.  He took her head in his warm soft hands and laid her back onto the bed.  Coming down beside her, he let his fingers pave a path of pleasure into her most intimate area.  Bringing his mouth down onto her breast, he nibbled and suckled at her soft pert nipple.  Sam was just about beside herself with the need of him.

 

“Daniel,” her voice barely a whisper, “I…  Please…”

 

Not wanting to make her beg, and not being able to hold off much longer, he rolled over on top of her.  Nestled between her legs, ever so carefully, he guided himself to the treasure he had wanted for so long.  Slowly, leisurely, he slid into her until he could go no further.  Sam wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs around his hips.  He looked deeply into her eyes, questioning, asking for permission to continue.

 

Her smile was all he needed.  The rhythm seemed to be there waiting for their heads to catch up with their hearts.  It was as if they were made only for each other.  Anyone they had been with before, even Sha’re or Pete, paled to the love that was being made now.

 

Worlds exploded.

 

A long time later, exhausted, Daniel and Sam lay wrapped together.  Absent mindedly, Daniel stroked Sam’s hair.  He began to sing quietly to her.  She had never heard him sing.  As she listened, she tried to figure out what he was singing.  She knew the tune, but for the life of her, couldn’t recall it. 

 

Plus the fact that he was singing in another language:

 

Aderyn du yn canu i mewn 'r farw chan nos

Chymer hyn 'n ddrylliog adenedd a ddysg at adeina

Pawb 'ch buchedd

Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at chod

 

Aderyn du yn canu i mewn 'r farw chan nos

Chymer hyn 'n bantiog chreuau a ddysg at canfod

Pawb 'ch buchedd

Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at bod rhyddha

 

Aderyn du adeina

Aderyn du adeina

I mewn i 'r chyneua chan dywyllwch ddua nos

 

Aderyn du adeina

Aderyn du adeina

I mewn i 'r chyneua chan dywyllwch ddua nos

 

Aderyn du yn canu i mewn 'r farw chan nos

Chymer hyn 'n ddrylliog adenedd a ddysg at adeina

Pawb 'ch buchedd

 

Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at chod

Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at chod

Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at chod

 

When he was quiet for awhile, Sam gazed into his face.

 

“What were you singing?”

 

Daniel smiled at her.  “Blackbird by the Beatles.  My mom use to sing it to me at night when I was sad or lonely.  It always made me feel better.”

 

“What language were you using?”

 

“Welsh.  That’s how she sang it to me.  I sometimes have a hard time remembering how to sing it in English.”

 

He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow.  Looking deeply into her eyes, he grinned at her.  “Don’t you dare tell the others that I sang to you!”

 

Staring back at him, a light of playful evil shown in her eyes, “First thing Monday morning, I’m on the P.A. system.”

 

The briefest shadow of disappointment flashed a crossed his face.  Then, quite suddenly, Sam was begging for mercy as he found her tickle spot and relentlessly attacked.  One thing led to another, and the throws of passion engulfed them again.

 

If there ever was the perfect moment in time, this was it.

 

***

 

Sam peeked out from under the blankets and looked at the clock on her nightstand.  It was only 2:00 in the morning.  She had to get some sleep.  Reaching over, she opened her nightstand drawer and pulled out the prescription sleeping pills.  Taking one, she yanked the blankets back over her head, willing a dreamless sleep to overtake her.

 

The sleep came, but with it, the dreams.

 

***

 

The next few weeks were a blur after that first night of lovemaking.  They stayed close by each other as much as they could.  But their professionalism took center stage when they were at work.

 

Cam noticed, however, that they were with each other more than usual.  He knew they were close, but this had a different vibe to it.  Neither one of them were doing anything wrong, so he just dismissed the thought.

 

Vala, didn’t.  She could tell that something was up.  It didn’t take her long to notice the furtive glances.  The close proximity.  Even the occasional drifting hand under the mess hall tables.  At first she was angry.  This blonde harlot stole HER Daniel away.  But as she watched them, she knew that Daniel was never really hers.  And in true Vala fashion, she turned her sights to someone else.

 

Two months of total happiness had passed for Sam and Daniel.  It was going so well that they even spoke of marriage.  That was the topic of conversation on the night the world ended.

 

She and Daniel were walking back to his car.  They had just caught a movie and were planning on grabbing some take-out and heading back to his place.  It was a warm and quiet night.

 

 

Suddenly, Daniel stopped.  His head cocked to one side.  He had heard something.

 

Watching him with concern, Sam asked, “What?”

 

“Shhhh,” he lifted his finger.

 

Then Sam heard it as well.  A muffled cry coming from nearby.  Daniel cautiously walked forward and peered around a corner into an ally.  There, in the dim light he saw three boys shoving and hitting a girl.  His blood flamed with fury.  Turning to Sam, he remembered they both had gotten out of the house without their cell phones.

 

“Sam, go call the police,” he told her quietly.

 

“Daniel, let me…”

 

He cut her off, “Sam, please.  I know you can handle anything, but you need to get the police here.  I’ll just go and… you know, talk to them.  Maybe just seeing someone coming will scare them off.”

 

“Daniel…”

 

“I’ll be fine, Sam.  I promise I won’t do anything to aggravate them.  Hey, I have saved the world a few times, remember?”  He kissed her.  “Trust me.  I won’t leave you!”

 

With a determined look, he walked into the ally.  Sam hesitated only a moment, then ran across the street to a bookshop.  She burst in and asked for the phone.

 

As soon as the dispatch operator told her that the police where on the way, she heard the shots.  Paralyzed, Sam looked out the window.  Three boys ran out of the ally at full speed.

 

Dropping the phone, Sam raced out of the store and down the alley.  She skidded to a halt, searching the dark area.  She spotted a half naked girl cowering by a dumpster, staring at something to the left of Sam.  With a slow turn, she saw him.

 

Daniel was laying on his stomach, facing away from her, a dark puddle seeping out from under him.

 

Screaming his name, Sam ran to his side.  Tears burning on her face, she carefully rolled him onto his back.  Shaking, sobbing, her eyes couldn’t tear away from the bullet wound in his head.  Screams and sirens deafened her.

 

***

 

Waking in a cold sweat, Sam jumped up and ran to the bathroom.  She barely made it to the toilet before she vomited violently.  After the last of the heaves ended, she sat against the tub, crying yet again.  This was too much.  Too much sorrow for one lifetime.

 

The phone rang, breaking into her misery.  Painfully she stood up.  Every muscle in her stomach ached.  She sat down heavily on the bad and picked up the offensive ringing phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

Sam listened to the calling party, barley understanding what was being said.

 

“Excuse me?” she asked.

 

A pause.

 

“Are you sure of this?  I mean, not a question about it?”

 

Another pause.

 

“No, it’s okay.  Thank you.”

 

Sam hung up the phone in a complete daze.  She stood and walked out to the deck of her house.  She was in a dream.  She had to be in a dream.  Clamping her hands over her mouth, she laughed and cried at the same time.  Staring out over the placid ocean, she shuddered.

 

“Oh, Daniel,” she cried through her fingers, “you just couldn’t let me live alone and in pain could you.  You knew, somehow you knew I would need you to get me through this.”

 

Looking up to the sky, she smiled at the intensely blue reminder of her beloved’s eyes.

 

“We’re going to have a baby,” she sobbed, “You didn’t leave me alone.  We’re going to have a baby.”

 

Wrapping her arms around herself she closed her eyes.  A warm breath of air caressed her cheek.  Daniel was with her.  Just as he promised he would be.

 

Blackbird

The Beatles

 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free
 

Blackbird fly
Blackbird fly
Into the light of a dark black night
 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

 

 

To be continued...