Chapter Eight: Scholar, Innovator, Protector, Warrior

 

Once back at Jack’s house, Daniel took some of his anxiety pills and curled up on his bed to sleep.  Jack made sure he was okay, then went to the living room to call Sam.

 

“Carter,” Jack said into the phone, “will guys get dinner and drinks for tonight?”

 

“Sure” she answered, “but I thought you were getting them?”

 

With a heavy sigh, Jack told her what happened at the store.  When he finished with the tale, she was quite for a moment.

 

“Carter?  You know you’re dangerous when you’re quite like that!  Means I’m about to hear something either I won’t like or won’t understand.”

 

“Sir, Teal’c and I have been talking…”

 

“Always the sign of impending danger for me,” Jack smirked.  “But, do go on…”

 

“Teal’c has been doing some research on an ancient Jaffa restorative chi.  He said that a warrior would Kel’no’reem with his comrades to gain strength after a particularly serious wound or battle.  He’s been going to see Bra’tac the last few weeks to learn how to perform the ritual.  Sir, he would like for us, you included, to meditate with Daniel,” she could hear the groan, but continued.  “Teal’c thinks that doing this may help Daniel… realign with his stronger self.  That we could share our spirit and resolve to help him fortify his courage and tenacity.  Teal’c’s put a lot of work into this.”

 

“Hmm,” Jack closed his eyes and thought for a moment, “Ya’know, I think they did that in Buffy the Vampire Slayer once.  Seemed to work well for her.  Sure, let’s try it out.  Tell T to bring what he needs and we will give it a go.  We may have some reluctance from a certain archaeologist, but if you and T use really big words and stuff… I don’t know, Carter.  It could just work.”

 

“Great!” Sam said enthusiastically, “Teal’c will be very pleased, sir.  And so am I!  However, with all due respect, you do need to stay awake during the meditation.”

 

“Ha, ha!  I’ll see you around 19:00,” Jack told her.  “And in the meantime, I’ll consider not transferring you to Antarctica!”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

***

 

Daniel awoke with the smell of spicy food tickling his nose.  He rolled onto his back and wiped the sleep from his eyes.  In the darkened room, he could hear voices drifting up from the kitchen.  He closed his eyes again and listened for a while.  He couldn’t hear the words, only the sound, but he could tell that Sam and Teal’c were there.

 

It was a peaceful feeling, just hearing his teammates.  He felt safe.  That seemed to be what had been taken from him more than anything else.  Just like when he was little.  Safety was the one thing he could never seem to hang on too.  Perhaps that was why he railed against coming out as a gay man.  He never felt safe enough to stand up and say, “Yes, I’m gay!”

 

However, now he had the acceptance of the very man he was in love with.  And, if what was said was the truth, Jack loved him too.  Sitting up, Daniel stretched, cracked his neck, and picked up his glasses.  It was time to take his life back.  Time to admit who he was and the universe be damned.

 

As he quietly descended the stairs, he was brought up short at the site of Jack’s usually familiar living room.  The lighting was subdued, shear fabric draped from all the walls, falling softly to the floor in smooth waves.  All the furniture was moved out and large pillows littered the floor.  A low table had been set up in the center of the room with plates of food steaming pleasantly.  The fireplace sputtered and popped, beckoning him to sit beside it’s warmth.

 

As Daniel continued into the living room that now more closely resembled his tent on Abydos, Sam appeared.

 

“Hey, Daniel,” she said with a warm smile.  “I was just about to come and get you.  Dinner’s all ready and I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!”

 

“Indeed,” Teal’c agreed as he walked up behind the major.  “It is good to see you, DanielJackson.”

 

Daniel smiled as he hugged Sam and nodded to Teal’c.  Carter took his hand and lead him into the makeshift tent to sit.  He looked around at the redecorating with a grin.  Other than the lack of sand, he felt right at home.

 

“Ah!” O’Neill said as he followed them.  He passed everyone a beer, (a juice for Teal’c) and sat between Daniel and Teal’c.  “Wasn’t sure you were going to wake up, Danny.  I figured that if you smelled the food, you’d wander down though.”

 

Sam began to point out the different dishes, telling Daniel what was brought.  “I got sambousak, made with authentic Gibna Domiati.  Colcasia soup, Fattah, which I got because Daniel needs some fattening up.  You’re too skinny, gotta put some meat on those bones,” she poked her friend in the ribs with a smile.

​

“Ful Medames,” Carter continued, “Hawawshi, Bamia Matbukha, Halloumi Canapés, and Fatayer.  AND for dessert, Basbousa for that very sweet tooth you have!”

 

Daniel’s eyes were wide with delight.  The smells and decorations made him feel like a kid again.  He hadn’t had his go to comfort food in a very long time.

 

“Wow! I can’t believe you guys did all this.  I didn’t even know the Springs had an Egyptian restaurant.”

 

Sam chuckled, “Oh, it doesn’t.  But being part of a highly classified and world protecting unit as the SG-1, I’m afforded certain… shall we say, indulgences.”

 

Daniel looked at her with brows drawn down questioningly, “Indulgences?”

 

“Fur cry’n out loud, Carter!” Jack reached behind the Daniel and push his 2IC over, “It means she and Teal’c hijacked a 302 and took it to Travis Air Force Base in San Francisco.  They got the carryout and came back,” he explained as he licked juice from a kabob off his fingers.  “Wonder how Hammond’s gonna explain that one.”

 

“GeneralHammond informed MajorCarter and I that we needed to test the new cloaking device of the F-302.  He suggested that we should try Al-Masri Egyptian Restaurant while we were there.”

 

The four teammates laughed as they dug into the food.

 

For Daniel, it was the most pleasant night he had had with his friends in a very long time.  The talk was light hearted and the comradery thick in the improvised tent.  He felt as whole and normal as one could get considering his job took him to other worlds.  Something he sorely missed doing.

 

They talked about past missions and ones that were waiting for them.  Daniel felt a pang of guilt.  The only reason they were waiting on those missions was because of him.  It just fortified his determination to put all the crap that happened in the past behind him.  He was tired of feeling like a little kid again.  And with Jack, Sam and Teal’c beside him, he had no reason to feel anyway but safe.

 

As Jack and Daniel packed up the leftovers, Sam was making tea while Teal’c set up candles in the ‘tent-room’.  Daniel lifted his eyebrows at Jack in curiosity.  He pulled the older man to the side of the kitchen.

 

“What’s goin’ on, Jack?” Daniel asked quietly.

 

“What?” he questioned back with a smirk, “Just a group of friends hangin’ out in the desert together… sort’a.”

 

Daniel scowled at him, knowing his friends were up to something.  Something he was probably not going to be happy about.  Jack grinned at him and went to turn all the lights off.

 

“It’s gonna be okay, Daniel,” Sam said quietly.  “Don’t you trust us?”

 

“With my life.  It’s just a little… well, strange.  The decorations, the authentic food, and what tea is that?  It smells vaguely familiar.”

 

“Teal’c brought it back from one of his trips to Chulak. At least I think that’s where he got it,” she smiled with a shrug and poured the tea.

 

Daniel followed her into the tent-room carrying two cups of steaming liquid.  With only the fireplace, candles, and the winter wind blowing outside, it really was like being on Abydos again.

 

They reconvened in the ‘tent’ as Teal’c finished lighting the last candle.  He took great care in placing the candles in certain positions.  Then he indicated where everyone should sit and they settled on the pillows.  Daniel was in between Jack and Sam, with the Jaffa across the little table.  He took Daniel’s cup of tea and added a sprinkling of powder into it then passed it back to him. 

 

Teal’c gave Daniel a smile and nod, “It is merely some herbs for relaxation.  Dr. Fraiser cleared it for your use.”

 

The younger man nodded as he took the drink and set it before him.  They all waited for Teal’c to begin.

 

“DanielJackson,” his deep voice reverberated around the room, “tonight we have come together to meditate with you.  We are here to offer you our strength and love.  This is an ancient Jaffa healing meditation.  I went to Chulak to see Bra’tac and learned how to perform the ritual.”

 

Daniel slumped his shoulders and head, “You didn’t have to do that, Teal’c.  Not for me.”

 

“Oh, Daniel,” Sam said softly and reached for his hand, “we all would do anything for you.  You are so important to our family.”

 

“And we are a family!  Teammates went the way of the Dodo years ago, Danny,” Jack told him as he pulled him into a hug.  Then he grabbed Carter also, squishing Daniel between them.  Teal’c was on the other side of the candle table so O’Neill couldn’t reach him for the group hug, but Jack would get all of them hugged by the end of the night.

 

Teal’c cleared his throat to get everyone back on task.  “First we drink our tea.  This will help to relax your body and mind.”

 

When they all finished their tea, Teal’c closed his eyes to center himself.  His breathing was deep and his body position closely resembled a Buddha statue.  After a few minutes, the Jaffa opened his dark eyes.  With a faint smile, Teal’c looked at each of his family members.

 

“The ritual has begun.  Please settle into a comfortable position, resting your hands together in your lap,” he told them demonstrating.

 

“Now, close your eyes, clear your mind and listen to the sound of my voice.  You may not understand the words I speak, but it is the tone you concentrate on.  Keep your breath even, letting your body do its job without interference.”

 

When Teal’c could hear the softness of their breath, he opened his eyes, looking at each of them for a moment.  He nodded to himself and began.  The words were almost sung as they gently fell from his lips.  Speaking in a dialect so old, even Daniel wasn’t sure of their meaning.  The Jaffa’s chant went on for several minutes, drawing each of them into the meditation.

 

After a short pause, Teal’c quietly began again.  “Imagine a safe place in nature that feels good to you.  It may be a natural setting that you’ve been before or a beautiful fantasy world of your own creation.

 

“Brighten the colors and observe how clear everything is and how good it feels to be there.  Notice the things that are moving about and wonderful the mood is.  There may be a special scent in the air… a few clouds drifting gently across the sky, a beautiful clear blue sky that goes on and on.  You may even hear the beautiful lullaby of birds in the distance.

 

 

“There is a bright light that reaches you shining down between the clouds allowing you to feel warm and relaxed.  This light stands for everything that’s good in life… love, peace, serenity, and tranquility.  Allow this light to flow through you, relaxing every muscle, tissue, fiber, and cell.  As it flows through from head to toe, allow it to completely relax each muscle group.”

 

 

Teal’c paused, letting the images take hold of each of his friends.  When he felt that they were ready, he continued.

 

 

“My family, hear me.  Within each of us there is a strength.  We will draw on that strength tonight.  Within each of us, there is also a keystone to our very spirit.

 

“This keystone is the place we fill in our family unit.  A greater piece of each of our personality.  This is how we function together harmoniously. 

 

“O’Neill, the protector.  Samantha, the innovator.  Daniel, the scholar.  And myself, the warrior.  Together, we are unstoppable.

 

“At this moment, however, our brother Daniel has lost his inner strength.  We, therefore, must come to his aid.  As I lead my brother, DanielJackson through our introspection, our combined strength and individual keystones will fortify him.”

 

Teal’c then began to chant again, taking Daniel with him.  The words spoken now were only for the linguist.

 

“Find your strength, brother.  Find where it has been hidden from you. Do not be afraid, we will be here for you, beside you, within you.  I have struck a light for you to follow, but you must travel on your own.  Go forth, DanielJackson.”

 

With that, Teal’c snapped his finger and Daniel slumped to the floor.

 

***

 

When Daniel opened his eyes, all he could see was a faint dancing light in an oppressive darkness.  At first, he was scared, but a warmth of power wrapped around his body like a life preserver, buoying him above the clawing darkness.

 

Daniel stood up and directed his feet towards the light.  As he traveled, he began to hear voices on either side of him.  Faint and unintelligible.  When a soft glow to his left pulled his attention, he paused.  It was like viewing a display in a museum.  Daniel moved closer, hands raised in case there was a barrier.  His fingers met something cool and hard.  Behind the forcefield, he saw himself as a child with his parents in a tent.  They were eating dinner and laughing.

 

“So, Danny, what did you do today?” his father asked.

 

“My friends and I went to the oasis and petted the camels.  There was an old Bedouin there telling stories.”

 

Claire Jackson smiled and asked, “Do you remember any of them?”

 

Danny thought for a moment and after finishing his bite of food, he recited,

 

“Knowledge, Money and Honor met and each started to boast about its position and the efforts to acquire it.

 

 

Knowledge said: "If you seek me, you will find me at Schools, Councils, Universities, and Houses of Culture".

 

 

Money said: "If you look for me, you will find me in hard work and commerce".

 

 

Honor said: "I am born with you and accompany you throughout life, but if I go, I never return".**

 

 

 

When he finished the story, Melburn inquired, “And what do think the story meant?”

 

“That knowledge and money can be looked for, but honor is your birthright.  Except if you don’t live honor-ably, you could lose it forever.  Right?”

 

Daniel’s mom and dad beamed at him.

 

The image warmed him and he smiled. Wishing it could last forever.  But the scene faded into blackness forcing him to continue his journey towards the light.  After a while another image appeared to his right this time. 

 

It was a scene of an eight-year-old Daniel sitting with his grandfather, eating waffles.

 

“Eat up, boy,” the slightly accented voice said to the youngster as he pushed his food around the plate sadly.  “You understand why I cannot take you with me, right Daniel?  You’re smart enough to understand the impracticality of having you to watch after while I’m working.”

 

The words weren’t said unkindly but they stung none the less.  With tears moistening his eyelashes the young Daniel shrugged.  He said nothing.  What could he say?  His grandfather made it clear he would be a nuisance.  The last thing little Danny said was good bye to his parents at the funeral.  He wouldn’t speak again for almost a year.

 

Nick looked at his watch and sighed, “It’s time to go, Daniel.  I told the social worker I’d have you to her office by 11:00.  Don’t worry, boy.  Everything will be okay.  I will write to you…”

 

The image faded away and the grown Daniel wiped his eyes.  Nick never wrote to him, never came to visit him.  He was dropped at the DCFS and forgotten. 

 

Not sure if he wanted to keep going, Daniel looked behind him.  He wondered if he went back to the first memory if he would be able to see it again.  When he took a tentative step backwards, he smacked into a wall.  With a heavy sigh, he started to turn away, when the light brightened again. 

 

With brows drawn low, the man cocked his head to the side in curiosity. 

 

The small Daniel was sitting on his bed at some home that he really didn’t remember, holding a small package.

 

Little Danny carefully opened the box and pulled out a small crystal skull with a short note.

 

‘Daniel,

 

I hope they are treating you well.  I am in Belize at the moment, searching for another crystal skull.  I know that in my younger days, the one I had found took me on a grand adventure.  I hope to discover another skull that will validate my claims with the unbelieving, narrow minded nitwits I am forced to call colleagues.

 

Never give up your passions, Daniel.  No matter who may tell you that you are crazy.  This little crystal skull is for you to remember to follow your dreams.

 

Yours truly,

 

Nick’

 

Daniel’s mouth hung open.  He had absolutely no recollection of this moment.  He did remember the little crystal skull he used to hide in his pocket, but he had thought he just found it among his things from his parent’s house.  Utter shock land-blasted him.  How could he have forgotten that his Grandfather did write to him?  Even sent him a gift?

 

He was really beginning to question his own memories.  Did he only want to remember the bad stuff?  Or was the bad just so much simpler for him to dwell on that it over shadowed the little things that were good in his life.

 

Continuing on, Daniel’s curiosity was stirring.  Maybe there would be more memories of good things that he had forgotten.  Another section of light grew in intensity, drawing him close.  As soon as he saw the setting, he knew he didn’t want to remember this.

 

He was in the hospital shortly after the rape by the high school boys.  His foster mother was sitting beside the young Daniel, holding his hand and singing softly to him.  It looked as if she had been crying.

 

Daniel wrapped his arms around his chest, hugging himself tightly as he viewed the moment.  Again, he didn’t remember her being there with him.  She was actually upset.  Daniel put his hand on the clear forcefield, leaning in to hear what she was singing.

 

‘Let us be lovers we'll marry our fortunes together
I've got some real estate here in my bag…’

 

The man smiled.  He had always loved that song but never knew why.  He didn’t realize that the woman really had cared for him. 

 

The door to his room opened and Amy, the foster sister that had told on him about his feelings for the football player, came inside.  Her face was blotchy and tears ran freely down her cheeks.  She slowly moved up to the side of Daniel’s bed and started to play with the blanket.

 

Softly, she said, “I’m really sorry, Daniel.  I didn’t know they would do this to you.  You’re my best friend… I, I just wanted one of them to like me.  Please, Daniel… please forgive me.”

 

The foster mother then pulled Amy into a hug as the light dimmed. 

 

He was taken from them after the rape accrued.  New house, (never a home), new high school.  Only the bad memories remained.  But now he realized that there was more to the story than he remembered.  Amy was really upset by what happened to him.  He had always believed it was done with malicious intent.  Daniel felt remorse for the hatred he had harbored all these years for Amy.

 

Again, the darkness consumed him.  His next stop was years later, when he was a young man at University.  Dr. Joyce Christe had taken him under her wing and nurtured the passion for learning she had seen in him.

 

“Daniel,” the woman said, pulling the young man aside, “It’s Thanksgiving tomorrow, why don’t you join me for dinner?  We can discuss your theories on Egyptian writings.”

 

“Sure, Dr. Christe,” an enthusiastic answer came, “that sounds great.”

 

The image the current Daniel was watching faded quickly then brighten again. 

 

The scene was his younger self knocking on the door of a rather opulent home.  Dr. Christe opened the door with a wide smile.

 

“I’m so happy you could come, Daniel,” she gushed as they walked into the living room.  “Why don’t you sit and I’ll bring you something to drink.  Wine alright with you?”

 

Daniel looked slightly startled.  He wasn’t 21 quite yet, but didn’t want to seem rude.

 

“Ah… yeah… sure.  Thank you,” he said as he took his seat on the divan.

 

As the older man watched he remembered very little of this encounter.  He wasn’t really sure he wanted too.  There was a nagging feeling that something bad happened that night.  But then, he was beginning to realize he only thought about the horrific stuff.

 

The professor breezed back in with two glasses of wine.  She handed Daniel one then sat, quite closely, next to him.  The young man tensed.

 

“Relax, Daniel,” Dr. Christe purred, “You always seem so uptight.”

 

“Um… Dr. Christe…”

 

“It’s Joyce,” she corrected, “we’re not in the classroom and I’ve told all of my students that I don’t stand on ceremony.”

 

With a shy smile, Daniel began again, “Ah… Ddddoc… Joyce, um, I’m not sure if this is a good idea.  Um… me being here…  I, I thought that there would be…”

 

Just then, the front door opened and another woman came bustling in carrying some packages.  Daniel almost leapt to his feet to help her. As he took a few of the boxes, Joyce swooped in and gave the new comer a rather passant kiss.

 

Dr. Christe turned to her young student and said, “Daniel, this is Rebekah, my wife.  Rebekah, this is the young man I’ve been telling you about.”

 

Rebekah held out her hand and shook Daniel’s offered one.  “The soon to be famous, Daniel Jackson.  It’s a pleasure to finally have a face to go with the name.  Welcome to our home.”

 

Daniel let out a relieved breath as both women ushered him towards the dining room.  When they settled at the table, Joyce explained her motives.

 

“Daniel, I know you have no family.  I also know how young you are and that you are rarely ever seen with friends.  Rebekah and I inherited this mansion, but it’s just the two of us here.  So, in spirit of the season, we’ve always had a student come for dinner.

 

“This year I knew from the very first class, that it would be you.  I hope you won’t be offended, but you just bring out the mother in me.”

 

Rebekah giggled and told him, “She is always lamenting that you don’t eat or rest enough.”

 

Daniel ducked his head, embarrassed.  He also felt bad at thinking dark images of this kind professor.

 

The scene began to fade yet again as Daniel looked on.  He started remembering how he had spent every holiday with the two women.  During his time at the University he got to be a part of a loving family.  They both fussed over him every chance they could.

 

In fact, it was Joyce that helped expedite Daniel’s transfer to Chicago after his horrible relationship with Steven ended with him in the hospital again.  These two, wonderful, and gay, women were always there for him.  And he had forgotten.

 

Standing in the dark Daniel wondered why he didn’t recall the happy times or the times that someone did express concern for him.

 

I’m I so jaded that I can’t bring myself to remember good things that happened in my life?  Then again, I would usually use the darkness to spur me forward.  To work harder, learn faster, escape the darkness, he thought.

 

But when I do escape, I turn around to make sure it hasn’t left me.  That the sadness was still dogging my footsteps.  I never wanted the darkness to be very far, like some sadistic comfort.

 

Daniel turned toward the dancing light he had been following.  It was getting brighter and closer. He began walking again.  This time, as he passed memories, he made note that there were many times he was happy, safe, and somewhat content.  More than he ever realized.  Sure, he caught sight of a few horrible ones.  Peers shunning him, jocks messing with him, even the time Ferretti tossed his books down a sand dune.

 

The next image he came to Daniel placed his hand on the forcefield and leaned close.  He did remember this one, but to see her again…

 

Sha’re was sitting beside a fire in the map room on Abydos.  She was painstakingly copying down the cartouche symbols as Daniel read them off.  The dark-haired woman would watch him tracing the carvings with gentle fingers, a wistful look on her face. 

 

It was that expression that the present Daniel stared at.  She really did love him.  She kept his secret and played the dutiful wife all while she privately wished he would love her back.

 

As Daniel moved to sit next to her, Sha’re asked, “My husband, I wish that I could give you what your heart desires.  I have spoken with my brother and he would be very happy to satisfy your needs.  No one else needs to know.”

 

Daniel looked down as he threw a piece of wood into the fire.  He studied the flickering sparks as they made their way into the air.  What Sha’re was offering was out of pure love and it made him sad that he was not the man that she deserved.

 

“My wife, I thank you for this offer, but I am actually quite fine.  My heart is far away, but my love for you is here.  I will not do something that could come back to hurt you.”

 

Sha’re placed her hand on his cheek softly and said, “Dan’yel, I only wish for your happiness.  It will not shame me.  Many husbands do this.”

 

Daniel pulled her close and kissed her.  “I wish that I deserved you, Sha’re.  I’m sorry that I am not the husband Good Father was hoping for, for you.”

 

The light dimmed and Daniel was left in the semi-darkness to reflect.  He really didn’t deserve her.  Or what he let happen to her.  But this little reminder of how much she loved him anyway, lightened his heart.

 

The story of his life was moving quicker now.  Recent things.  Stuff that had happened within the time he’s been in the SGC.  Daniel picked up the pace feeling as if he was getting close to the point of this episode of “Daniel Jackson, this is Your Life”.

 

He skidded to a halt right before the doorway to the room with the dancing light.  On his left, he saw the young men that raped and beat him as they took off.  Then he saw Jack’s truck tearing into the parking lot.  Daniel was witnessing everything that happened that night as if it were a DVD.  His vision blurred with tears to see the care and love everyone was giving him.  The murmured words of acceptance, and affection from the family he was a very big part of. 

 

He watched Jack, sitting for hours just holding his hand.  Of how he would clean Daniel up when he puked because of the medicine.  Every nightmare that had Daniel woke screaming from, there was Jack, holding him.  Comforting him.  Keeping him from falling completely apart.

 

With his face wet with tears, Daniel watched as his FAMILY stood around him, offering their strength. General Hammond and Janet, doing everything in their power to help him recover.  Teal’c and Sam, lending their love and support.  And the one that offered him true love… Jack.

 

Daniel could hear Teal’c’s warm voice coming from somewhere beyond the light. 

 

“We each have our individual strengths, protector, innovator, scholar, warrior, yet we also hold the same aspects within ourselves too.  Thus, making our family truly a force to be reckoned with.  With O’Neill our protector, but also a warrior, innovator, and yes, scholar.  Myself as the warrior, though I hold true as a protector, innovator, and scholar also.  MajorCarter, our innovator.  But she too holds the power of warrior, protector, and scholar.  DanielJackson, the true scholar.  Yet he also is a very fierce warrior, our consummate protector, and the innovator of thinking beyond what other would see.”

 

Daniel nodded his head. Yes! he thought, with my team… no, my family, even when we get beat down from time to time, we always have the fortification of each other.  SG-1 is a true phalanx.  Coiled together and forged in battle and peace.

 

With this realization, Daniel felt heat course through him.  He looked down and saw himself glowing around the edges.  The heat was growing, searing him from the inside out.

 

He ripped at his tee-shirt, pulling it off as the fire engulfed him, setting him ablaze.  The scream that ripped from his throat sounded like an eagle’s cry.

 

Right before his eyes, he saw his skin blacken and crack.  He tried to scream but only

smoke billowed out of his mouth.  His fingers clawed at the cracks, pulling the ashes

away from his body.  With the pain excruciating, he crashed to the ground, knowing he

was dead, yet again.  He crumpled, folding in on himself as searing pain and fire

consumed him.

 

After a few moments of charring darkness, he suddenly felt the heat cool to a bearable

level.  He opened his eyes and saw his skin glowing brilliantly and adrenaline was

careening throughout his veins. 

 

Daniel flung out his arms to the side and saw feathers of orange, red, gold, and flaming,

spring out behind him.  Turning his head and staring wide eyed as he discovered wings

were erupting from his own skin.  With a powerful cry of triumph, he vaulted to his feet, arms spread wide as his blazing wings unfurled.

 

He, Daniel Nicholas Jackson, was a survivor.  He walked the knife’s edge and still he believed in the best of people.  He could find the beauty in the plainest object.  And he loved with all his heart.  The warmth surrounded him, wrapping him in a feathery embrace.  This was the embrace of his parents, his friends, his family… and most of all, Jack. 

 

The Phoenix represents rebirth from the ashes.  Daniel was the epitome of that.  How many times had he been killed?  How many times had he been face to face with beings that had more power in their big toe then all four of the assholes that attacked him?  Still, he would come through it, alive and whole.  He knew he could conquer anything with his family beside him.  And Jack loving him.

 

As Daniel looked behind himself, he saw the darkness had slinked further away than he had ever let it.  The beautiful light from his wings chasing the black away.  He could hear the demons that hounded his ever step wailing and fighting against the light.  The faceless voices that told him he was no good, called him faggot, queer, unlovable.

 

With a triumphant cry, Daniel shattered the darkness!

 

***

 

“Easy, Danny,” Jack grinned as he hugged Daniel close to him.  The younger man was thrashing about, almost knocking the burning candles over.  “You ready to come back to us now?  Ready to face whatever pulls…”

 

Jack couldn’t finish as he was being lovingly mauled by a very passionate mouth.  His arm’s wrapped around Daniel’s waist and held on for dear life.  Daniel had never kissed anyone like he was now, but he had to let Jack know, he was ready.

 

When they needed to come up for air, Daniel broke the kiss, but kept a tight hold of Jack.

 

“I love you, Jack O’Neill!” he announced, “I’m in love with you and I want you with me forever.”

 

When clapping jarred Daniel, he looked around shocked.  He had thought they were still in the vision, but there they were, one archeologist wrapped around one Air Force Colonel in an unmistakable loving embrace.  The clapping turned to cheering.

 

“It’s about time!!” Carter winked at them.

 

“I am very pleased with his outcome,” Teal’c said with an actual smile.

 

Daniel closed his eyes with a slight crimson color painting his face.  When Jack’s lips press into his, even though they had an audience, the younger man kissed back.

 

When they parted, Jack smiled lovingly at the man in his arms, “Guess we’re out now.”

 

Daniel softly smiled and nodded, “Out, and together.  Forever!”

 

***

 

They sat in the fading candlelight of the room, speaking quietly.  There was a sense of relief for all of them, especially Daniel.  His smile came easily and that made Jack grin as he sat with the younger man in his lap, his arms wrapped around him.  Carter was playing with the candle flame as she watched her best friend and C.O. cuddling.  She could actually feel the contentment radiating off of the men.

 

Daniel had just finished telling them about his vision.  About all the things he had forgotten.  The fears he had been wrestling under even before the attack.  He told them more about his parents then any of them had ever heard.  The nights in Egypt and the swing he and his father had put up the day he died.  There were tears, but Daniel wasn’t shying away from or dwelling on them.

 

When he told his friends about the little crystal skull his grandfather had sent him, Jack squeezed him closer.  One of the many times that Daniel had disappeared causing the colonel considerable stress.

 

“So, I guess I only recollected the bad stuff that happened to me.  I don’t know if it’s because of the memory holes from descending or if I always was like that.”

 

Sam gave him a hug and asked, “But now you recall the good stuff too?”

 

He smiled at them and nodded.  “Yeah.  All of them.  But it’s you guys that really make me happy.  It’s the four of us… together, that fills me with… I don’t know.  Joy?  Yeah, joy!”

 

Jack leaned in and kissed him.  “That just me.  I have that effect on people.”

 

They all laughed as Sam tossed a pillow at him.

 

Daniel grew somber again, his mind spinning.  He wanted his friends to really understand what it had be like for him… at least in his mind.

 

“I guess I felt a little like Sisyphus in the underworld…”

 

Jack jerked forward, dislodging Daniel from his embrace.  “What?!  You felt like syphilis?”

 

Daniel groaned and smacked the older man lightly.  “Sisyphus, Jack, not syphilis!  Sisyphus was a mortal king that tricked Hades and escaped Tartarus. When he was forcibly dragged back by the god, Hermes, he was condemned to roll a huge boulder uphill. When the boulder reached the top, the weight of the stone was too great to stay there and it would roll back down to the bottom. Sisyphus had to go down and start all over.  Rolling the boulder back to the top. He could never rest or stop in this ceaseless task for all eternity.

 

“Every time I thought that I had real love in my life, it just seemed like it was taken away.  Either by my own fault or for some other reason.  I convinced myself that I was like a jinx to anyone that loved me.  They would be taken away… or died.

 

“Before I ascended, I just buried myself in my work, like I always had to get through tough times.  When I came back, I just didn’t have the resources to combat the demons that hounded me.  Especially as my feelings for Jack really surfaced.  Feelings I knew wouldn’t be reciprocated. Then the attack came and I just wasn’t strong enough to fight past it.  Plus, I was beaten up for being perceived as gay. A part of me, that I had taken great pains to hide from, kinda took me by surprise,” Daniel shrugged, hoping that this made sense to them.

 

Jack cocked his head to the side and gave him a sly smile, “Ya’know, Danny, if you had told me about that boulder a long time ago, I would’da just blown it up with some C4.”

 

Groans and chuckles lighted the room.

 

Then Teal’c reached over and placed his hand on Daniel’s cheek and said, “DanielJackson, you have always had my love, friendship and protection.  I would gladly assist you with whatever boulder you may have in your way.  Never forget that I have pledged my life for you.”

 

“And me!” Sam added, taking his hand, “anything for my big brother!”

 

“I know.  Thank you, guys.  But I think my boulder may be somewhat easier to handle now.  I know it’s not over and that I have a lot of healing left to do.”

 

“Not all by yourself though, Danny.  You need to hold onto that.  I love you.  More than I completely understand yet.  This journey will be taken as a team… a family,” Jack thought for a moment, “Maybe not always the four of us.  Don’t think I’m into foursome kink.”

 

Daniel laughed and leaned over to lay a passionate kiss on him.  When they parted, Teal’c was beaming at them, and Carter was unusually fascinated with a glob of candle wax on the table.

 

They were quiet for a few minutes before Sam asked, “So… how are we going to deal with your relationship at work?”

 

Jack sighed and sat up a little more.  “We’ll keep it just in our family for now.  At least until the rest of this country catches up with the times.  Janet knows and I’ll probably tell Hammond.  Neither of them will be bothered by us.  As a whole, I think most of the base is pretty open-minded.  And as long as we aren’t necking in the hallways, I think it’ll stay off the radar.”

 

“Ohhhhh!” Daniel whined, “I wanted to go down on you in the briefing room!!”

 

The howl of laughter filled the room.

 

“Danny, you’re killin’ me here!!” Jack said as he flipped him onto the floor and crawled over him.  With a wicked grin, Jack thoroughly kissed his lover.

 

“Uggg! Get a room!” Sam cried.

 

Teal’c gracefully stood and pulled the woman to her feet.  “I believe this is our cue to retire to the guest room.  Peaceful night to you O’Neill, DanielJackson.”

 

Carter laughed and followed the big Jaffa out of the makeshift tent.  “Try and keep it down, boys.  Some of us actually worked today.”

 

No answer came, as both men were busy using their mouths for more important things.