Chapter Six: See Through Heart

 

SG1 came home two days later, none-the-worse for wear.  Mission accomplished and ready for down time, they hurried through the debrief and after mission check-ups.

 

Three hours after stepping through the gate, Jack was opening the front door of his house and dropping his bag to the ground.  A second later, strong arms tightly wrapped him.

 

“’ack!” Daniel cried out as he squeezed him even more.  “I’m so happy you’re home!!”

 

When Jack was able to extract himself for the bearhug, he smiled at his friend.  He looked different, more relaxed, but also a little… stoned?  His eyes were dark and the pupils were very dilated.  What the fuck was going on here?  Taking a sniff, he smelled the incense, popcorn, and something else.

 

Daniel grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room.  Janet appeared from the kitchen carrying a bowl of fresh popcorn.  Jack raised an eyebrow at her as she looked up, startled at his appearance. 

 

“Oh!  Colonel,” the doctor said with surprise.  “I wasn’t expecting you home.”

 

Jack gave her a thin smile and asked, “Is that stinkweed I smell, Doc?”

 

Blushing, she dropped her eyes to the floor.  Daniel, however, gave Jack a huge smile.  “For medicinal purposes, ‘ack,” he said, then pointed to himself, “I can talk better wiff it.  And I’ve slept through da night two times with no nightmares!!  Great, huh?”

 

“Janet, why have you gotten my archeologist stoned?” he asked, but didn’t look angry.

 

“You heard him, sir.  He’s talking better and has slept well.  I’ve only let him have a small amount and I’ve been keeping careful watch, he’s in no danger.”

 

“Don’ be mad at ‘anet, ‘ack!  She’s been a great babysitter!  She’s kept me fed and watered.  Made sure I bathed and slept.  She’s been a wonderful friend.  ‘ust like you!”

 

The colonel couldn’t help but chuckle at him.  He looked better than he had in months.  And other then his lack of the ‘J’ sound, ‘TH’ coming out as “F’s” and a few dropped ‘T’s’, it was nice to hear his speech almost back to normal.  Daniel pulled him over and pushed him onto the couch, then sat next to him, still holding onto his arm.  Janet handed the newcomer the bowl of popcorn and sat in the arm-chair.

 

“How much has he had?” Jack asked the doctor.

 

“One joint per evening… I didn’t partake.  I think the reason he’s speaking better, is because he’s relaxed and not trying so hard.  And like he told you, he’s been sleeping much better.  Colonel, I am a physician, so this is more or less legal.”

 

“More or less,” Jack laughed and shook his head.  “It’s okay, Doc.  I didn’t ask, you don’t need to tell.  Besides, I’m kinda liking this.  He seems a lot better, at least right now.  How is he in the morning?”

 

“A little foggy, but it usually wears off by lunch-time,” Janet smiled at the two men.

 

“My speech therapist says I’m doing good when I’m relaxed and not trying so hard.  Jjjjj… ‘J’s still giving me trouble,” Daniel reported.  “And when I speak too fast.”

 

“I guess that’s about it, Colonel.  Since you’re home now, I’ll gather up my things and head out.  Cassie has been calling non-stop.  I’m almost scared to go home.”

 

After she was all packed and ready to go, Daniel jumped to his feet and wrapped her in a hug, lifting her off the ground.  He set her down and gave her a kiss, smiling like a school boy, “Thank you, ‘anet.  For everything.”

 

“You’re very welcome, Daniel,” she laughed.  Lowering her voice, and placing a hand on his cheek, she said, “Now remember, you need to talk with Jack… honestly.  Let him know what’s in your heart.  Don’t be afraid, he would never turn away from you.”

 

He lowered his gaze to the floor and nodded.  His arms already circling around his body in a self-hug.  Jack came up behind them and thanked the doctor again, then walked her to her car.  Once outside and away from Daniel, Janet turned a concerned expression to Jack.

 

“He’s very scared that you will hate him, sir, because of his feelings.  Please, listen to him with an open mind.  Most of the dreams he’s been having revolve around his orientation and how you will treat him.  I think he’s fighting with himself about coming to terms with his heart’s desire.”

 

Jack stuffed his hands into his pockets and shuffled his feet.  “I know.  And I know how he feels about me, Janet.  I just don’t completely know how I feel about that.  He’s my best friend and I’d die for him, but… there is something else stirring inside me that has my head spinning outta control.  I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know what to do.”

 

Janet place a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze, “Just love him, Jack.  Like you have for a long time.  If something more blooms from that, accept it as serendipity and embrace him as your own.  Love and happiness comes in all shapes and sizes.  Love is fluid, Jack.”

 

He let out a laugh and hugged her, “You’re the second person to tell me that,” he said and opened the car door for Janet, “Think he’s gonna be okay for a heart to heart tonight?”

 

“He’s not that stoned, Jack.  I think it would be a good thing.”  Janet then rummaged in her bag and handed him a baggie with three more joints in it.  “Oh, and his wallet and passport are hidden in the lockbox you have his medicine in.  Which by the way, I had to crawl onto the counter to get at.  It’s now under your bed.  He was going to run away while you were gone.”

 

“Damn it!”

 

“He coughed them up on his own, and came clean about what he was going to do.  Cut him some slack.”

 

“I will.  Thanks again,” Jack said and waved as she backed out of the driveway.  When he turned back to the house, he saw Daniel peering out of the curtains.   Before Jack got inside, he slipped back into his bedroom.

 

Jack did a quick clean-up of the living room and grabbed his bag to head back to his bedroom.  As he passed the door to Daniel’s room, he stopped and looked in.  The man was sitting on his bed, fiddling with his splint with his head bowed.  He didn’t seem happy or even stoned any longer.

 

The older man rapped on the door softly and waited for the invitation.  When it finally came, Jack stepped in and went to sit next to his friend.  Both were quiet for a long time, lost in their own troubled thoughts.

 

After a few minutes, Jack stood, held out his hand to Daniel, and said, “Come on, Danny.  Why don’t you come and sleep in my bed tonight?  That way you will be sure that I’m home and okay.”

 

With a surprised look, Daniel took the offered hand and followed him into the bedroom.  They both got ready for bed in silence.  Daniel waited for Jack to turn the covers down and slip in before he followed suit.  Jack pulled him close, having Daniel’s head rest on his shoulder, holding him in his strong arms.

 

“I missed you, Danny.  I’m really glad you were here when I came home,” Jack whispered as he petted the soft hair.  He could feel Daniel snuggle even closer to his side.

 

“I’m sorry I was thinking of leaving, Jjj ‘ack.  I was upset that you left wiffout saying anything.”

 

“You were asleep, Danny.  You’ve been having such a hard time getting the rest you need, I didn’t want to disturb you.  I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay now.  You’re home… wiff me,” he sniffled back the tears.  “’ack, don’t be mad at ‘anet for the pot.  It’s really helped me out, ya’ know.”

 

Jack chuckled, “I’m not mad.  Janet gave me a few more for you.  You have to share though.”

 

Daniel’s head snapped up and looked at him with astonishment.  Jack laughed again, “I grew up in the sixties, Daniel.  Of course, I smoked pot!!”

 

They both snickered and settled down to sleep, never letting the other go.

 

***

 

The following Thursday saw both Jack and Daniel outside the Academy library steeling their nerves to enter their first group meeting with Joey and Drew.  Daniel was shaking ever so slightly, so Jack patted him on the back comfortingly.

 

“Come on,” he said softly, “let’s get this over with.  Who knows?  Maybe it will help.”

 

Daniel gave him sidelong look.  With a deep breath, both men walked into the building.  They found the right room and entered.  Drew was out of his chair and hugging them both the moment they were seen.

 

“I’m so glad you guys made it!” he said with a smile that would light up the Stargate.  “Daniel, you’re looking better.  How are you feeling?”

 

He shrugged and answered, “Better, I guess.”

 

Drew’s eyebrows rose and he grinned, “Your speech is really good.  Guess your tongue is healing well?”

 

Daniel nodded and moved a little closer to Jack as Drew pulled them to the circle of chairs.  Joey stood up and greeted them with a handshake and shoulder bump.  It didn’t take long for them to be overwhelmed with other introductions.  There were five men and two women in the group.

 

Jack brought Daniel a cup of coffee and sat down with him.  Again, Daniel moved close to his friend, keeping his head down and only glancing over his glasses every once and a while.  His leg was shaking up and down like a piston and he kept rubbing the palms of his hands on his jeans.  Jack could see the sweat beading up on his forehead.  Without hesitation, he reached over and took Daniel’s hand in his, fingers laced together, he squeezed it gently.  Daniel looked at him surprised then gave him a half-hearted little smile.  When he tried to pull away, thinking that Jack wouldn’t want people to wonder about them, and was shocked that the man wouldn’t let go.

 

Joey began the meeting, “We have a couple of new faces tonight.  With that in mind, I’m going to remind everyone of the rules here.  No last names.  No confrontation, and the main rule?”

 

“Complete honesty,” everyone said together.

 

With a grin, Joey nodded.  “How about some introductions?”

 

Soft voices said names around the circle.  When it was Daniel’s turn, his mouth was so dry, he couldn’t get the words out.  Jack came to his rescue again.

 

“This is Daniel and I’m Jack,” he told the others.

 

The meeting was pretty much what Jack had expected.  Neither he nor Daniel said much, but listened.  There were two men that had been attacked because they were gay, and one woman that had been raped by her ex-boyfriend.  There were tears and encouragement and complete acceptance.  No one even looked funny at Jack holding his friend’s hand for the whole meeting.  He was sure that two of the other men were also military.  Being in the service for as long as Jack has been, he could spot a fellow soldier.

 

When the meeting was over, everyone milled around, chatting.  The two that Jack pegged as military came over to talk with him.

 

“Sir,” the one named Steven said in a low voice, “I know that this is a safe place, but I also know that you’re an officer.  Will my boyfriend and I be okay?”

 

Jack smiled warmly at him, “Steven, I have random voluntary amnesia.  You and the one you love is your business.  Not mine, not the military’s, not Uncle Sam’s.  I respect your devotion to your partner, helping him though his trauma.  Just like I’m here for Daniel.”

 

Steven smiled with a breath of relief and nodded, “Thank you, sir.  It’s been very hard to keep my private life… well, private, as a Marine.  And very hard to keep a civil tongue in my mouth when the other men in my unit start with the gay bashing shit.  I just wish I could find a place that would accept me without judgement and still be a part of the Marines.  My whole life I wanted to follow in my dad’s bootsteps, now I’m questioning if I should stay or separate from the service.”

 

“What do you do, Steven?” Jack asked.

 

“Aviation Weapons and Tactics Squadron One, here on lone for training at the Academy.”

 

Jack nodded and thought for a few minutes.  Sizing the young man up, he decided to offer him another option.  “Have you ever considered a rotation with the Air Force here at Cheyanne Mountain?”

 

Steven’s eyes went wide.  “I’ve heard some of the crazy shit that happened up there, but it was always just rumors.  Still, whatever’s going on up there, I’d be an idiot not to check it out. 

 

“I kinda noticed the way you kept hold of the Daniel’s hand throughout the meeting.  Are you flyboys more open minded then jarheads are?”

 

“Well,” Jack said, a smile pulling at the edges of his lips, “I can’t say for all the Air Force, but our little corner of the world is a lot more… accepting.  The whole base is more like family.  If you’re up for something very new and exciting…”

 

“Yes, sir,” Steven said standing up ramrod straight, “I would be extremely interested in a transfer.”

 

Jack smiled, “All right, Marine, at ease.  I’ll see what I can do.  If you get orders from either Colonel O’Neill, me, or General George Hammond, I’d open it right away.  I know we aren’t supposed swap last names here, but if you could, so I know where to send the orders.”

 

“Yes, sir!”

 

After Jack took all of Steven’s information, he turned to look for Daniel.  He found him sitting with Drew and Joey, and actually looking somewhat comfortable.  He wondered over and sat with them.

 

“’ack, Drew and ‘oey have asked if we’d like to go ou’ and have a couple of drinks wiff fem ‘onight.  Wha’da fink?”

 

The brightness of Daniel’s eyes, had Jack smiling.  He hadn’t seen him playful in a long time.  “Sure.  Why not.”  As an afterthought, he asked the other two men, “Is it a…”

 

Joey grinned, “Technically, no, but a lot of LGBT folks go there.  We feel safe and welcomed.  The owner son was gay.  He committed suicide in his freshman year of college because of harassment.  His father opened the bar to all who love.  No matter who you love.”

 

Daniel looked crestfallen when he heard that.  Jack wouldn’t want anyone to see him at a place where gay people frequented.  Especially with him.  “I’s okay, ‘ack.  I’m getting kinda ‘ired anyway.”

 

“Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?” Jack said in mock disappointment, “Damn Daniel, that hurts!  Right here!” he hit his own chest above his heart.

 

Daniel’s eyes went wide and he shook his head no, “No, ‘ack!  T’at’s not what I meant… I’m sorry.”

 

Jack laughed at him, stood and pulled him up out of his seat, “I was joking, Danny.  Let’s go.  It’ll be fun and a nice distraction.”

 

If Daniel’s smile was brighter then Jack had seen in quite some time.

 

***

 

As soon as the four men stepped into the Underground Bar & Grill, Jack did his usual threat assessment.  What he saw were several people he knew from the base.  Some were civilian contractors but there were quite a few airmen and women also.  When they noticed the Colonel, several tried to shrink back into the dark, not wanting to be seen.  Jack was heartened by the military personal there.  He felt that Daniel would be more comfortable at work when he got back, knowing that he wasn’t the only gay person at the SGC.

 

“’ack,” Daniel said close to his ear, “I fink you’re causing a stir.”

 

O’Neill gave him a half grin and flung his arm over his shoulder, “So what.  Let’s get a table and some drinks.  We’re just a couple of dudes out with friends tonight.”

 

They made their way close to the dance floor and grabbed a table.  When the drinks came, Jack saw the few airmen that had looked like deer in headlights, begin to relax.  It was a little louder than Daniel expected, but not so much they couldn’t hold a conversation.

 

The night was full of laughter and alcohol and by his third glass of wine, Daniel was already buzzed.  Jack paced himself, since he was driving.  He got to know Joey and Drew and found them to be almost like younger versions of he and Daniel.

 

Joey had a sarcastic sense of humor while Drew was more laid back with a dry wit.  They would get up and dance a few times, when the music was right, asking if Jack or Daniel would like to join them.  Both the older men politely declined, but Jack did notice his friend bopping to the music every once and awhile.  He smiled and wondered what it would be like to dance with him.

 

After an hour or so, the karaoke started.  Daniel asked if Jack wanted to leave, but he was having too much fun watching his archeologist loosen up, so he said no.  Shortly after that, Joey grabbed Drew and whispered in his ear, then both men stood and grinned at Jack and Daniel.  They made their way to the stage and signed up for a song.  They didn’t have wait long.  It seemed that they were a popular couple of singers by the ovation they received as they took the mikes.

 

Joey smiled over at his new friends and said, “This is for a couple of guys, that have been having a rough time finding each other.  Jack, Daniel, this is a safe place for everyone.  How about a dance.”

 

The place erupted with applause as a blush lit Daniel’s face.  He looked down, completely embarrassed and knew that Jack would probably be angry at Joey for calling him out.  Instead, he felt Jack’s hand on his, pulling him to his feet and onto the dance floor as Drew started singing.

 

I wish that I was good 
At hide and go seek
‘Cause every time I hide
You find me

And I wish that my smile 
Wouldn’t skip a beat
When the phone calls and shortfalls 
Remind me
Of the fear that’s underneath

But that’s just my see-through heart
I can’t hide the way I’m feeling
And that’s just the funny part
I don’t even know I’m bleeding
But you have ways of seeing through

I wish that I could act
Like in Hollywood
I’d play a real mean James Dean
If only I could 

And I wish that I was wise
Like King Solomon
I’d have you so convinced 
That I’m everything I want

But that’s just my see-through heart
I can’t hide the way I’m feeling
And that’s just the funny part
I don’t even know I’m bleeding
But you have ways of seeing through
 

I won’t pretend that it’s my decision
I know I’m no match for your x-ray vision
But I don’t mind 
As long as you don’t 
Change your mind
Don’t change your mind…

When you see my see-through heart
‘Cause I can’t hide the way I’m feeling
And that’s just the funny part
I don’t even know I’m bleeding
That’s just my see-through heart
But just maybe you’re my healing
‘Cause you have ways
Of seeing through*

 

“Jjjjack,” Daniel mumbled to him, “you don’ need ttttto do this.  What if someone here tells the General?”

 

The older man twirled Daniel around then pulled him to his chest with his arms loosely wrapped around his waist.  He leaned in and whispered, “So the fuck what.  I’m in my fifties.  If they want to drum me outta the Force, big deal.  You are more important to me than the job.  And they can’t do a damn thing to you.”

 

Daniel smiled sweetly and gazed at him though his eyelashes.  As they listened to the words of the song and swayed to the melody, Daniel laid his head onto Jack’s shoulder, enjoying the moment with every fiber of his soul.  He had dreamed of doing this very thing so many times, he couldn’t even venture a guess at the number.  This was as close to heaven as he had ever been.

 

Jack closed his eyes and fell into the moment.  He really didn’t care if someone outed him.  Daniel was everything to him and it was time that he grew a pair and let him know it.  As they slowly rocked to the song, Jack realized just how much the man in his arms meant to him.  How much he really did love him.  With Daniel’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and his head resting comfortably just under his chin, the quiet stirrings that had been fluttering around in his heart the last few weeks, exploded like a ton of C4 and he knew… knew! that he was in love with this man.

 

When the song came to an end, Jack leaned back to look Daniel in the eyes.  Without a second thought, he kissed him with a gentle resolve.

 

As they went back to their table, a young man approached and placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder.  “Thank you, Colonel,” he simply said, then turned and smiled at his boyfriend.

 

Jack stood and shook both their hands, “All’s good, Airman.  Enjoy yourselves.”

 

The four men decided to leave shortly after the dance.  As they stepped into the cold Colorado night, they said their goodbyes, each couple going their separate ways. 

 

Jack unlocked the passenger door for Daniel, turned and saw the sweetest smile on his face.  He smiled back.

 

“Thank you for the dance, Jjjack,” Daniel whispered shyly.

 

An overwhelming wave of emotion descended on Jack.  He reached out and cupped Daniel’s face, looking deeply into his eyes.  What he saw was pure love.  The kind of love that only a few people will ever know in their lifetime.  The tug that gripped Jack, was like a hook wrapped around his gut, pulling him towards the man that stole his heart.

 

Eyes sliding closed, Jack covered Daniel’s lips with his and kissed him.  Gently and passionately it started, but the force of newly discovered feelings had the kiss deepen.  As Jack’s tongue slipped into Daniel’s mouth, he could hear the groan rumble in the younger man’s chest.  Pulling Daniel closer still, he tightened the hug, running his hands through the soft strands of hair.  This was as close to perfect as Jack had ever felt.

 

Until…

 

“Lookie here!” a malicious voice said behind the two men.  “A couple of faggots swappin’ spit!”

 

“Uwww!  That makes my stomach sick!”

 

Jack stepped back and opened the door of his truck.  “Daniel get in… now!”

 

Daniel stood rooted to the ground, wide eyes and all the color drain from his face.  He started shaking so hard his glasses slid down his nose.

 

“Get in, Danny,” Jack said again softly as he pushed Daniel into the cab.

 

When Jack closed the door, he turned and leveled a black gaze at the two young men.  With an easy stance, he sized them up.

 

“I suggest you leave now and no one will get hurt.”

 

“Listen to that!” one of the men laughed, “this old man thinks he can take us on.”

 

The other man laughed also and poked Jack in the chest, “Old faggot.”

 

With speed that rivaled lightning, Jack grabbed the man’s finger, breaking it, then kicked the other man in the balls.  He turned back to the first victim and using the palm of his hand, hit the guy in the nose, breaking it also.

 

As both would-be attackers lay moaning on the parking lot, Jack stepped over them, walked calmly to the driver’s side of the truck and got in.  He didn’t even break a sweat.

 

***

 

As soon as the door was opened to Jack’s house, Daniel was running to the bathroom.  Jack sighed.  It had been such a great night.  Why can’t fate, the universe or whatever just leave the man alone?  He walked back to the bathroom and heard Daniel heaving.  Jack walked in and sat on the tub next to him, rubbing his back in gentle circles.  When nothing more would come up, the older man helped him to his feet.  He handed him the mouthwash and a cup of water then took him into the bedroom.  They sat down on Daniel’s bed, Jack’s arm around him, holding him close.

 

“Want to talk about it?” he asked the softly sobbing man.

 

Daniel shook his head no and wiped his face with a hand.

 

“You want to smoke one of the joints?  Calm down a bit?” Jack offered.  Daniel grinned sheepishly, but shook his head no.  He’d take his anxiety meds tonight.

 

“I had a great night with you.  It was really fun,” Jack said, trying to pull more happy thoughts for his friend to think about.  He received a small nod.  “You’re a great dancer, ya’ know.  I haven’t done that in a very long time.  It was nice.”  He could see the corners of his mouth twitch up.  That was an improvement.  “Do you want to go to bed now?  You look tired.”  There was an answering shrug.  He stood up and said, “I’ll go and get the bed ready.”

 

As he turned to go, a small voice followed him, “Jjjjack… thank you.”

 

It didn’t take Jack long before he was collecting Daniel for bed.  Tucking him in, he brought his friend’s night time drugs and a glass of water.  When everything was done, Jack slipped into bed and wrapped Daniel up in his arms.  Placing a kiss on his head, he felt the other man’s breathing even out almost instantly.  Just as he thought Daniel was asleep, he heard his small voice.

 

“’ack?  Do you really love me?”

 

He had to consider that question.  Daniel stirred, turned on his side, propping his head on his hand to look at the man next to him.  Jack gazed into those soulful blue eyes and felt his heart jump out of his chest.  He reached up and placed his hand on Daniel’s cheek.  He felt as if everything in the universe slammed into perfect symmetry.  He moved his hand to the nap of Daniel’s neck, pulling him to meet his lips.

 

The kiss started innocently as before, but only for a moment.  Jack’s tongue demanded entrance and was pleased to be given permission.  He wasted no time deepening the kiss, pulling Daniel closer to him.  Jack ran his hands through the soft spiky strands of hair on the back of his neck.

 

Daniel came willing into the embrace.  His dreams coming true.  He felt the blood rushing to his dick as they continued to wrestle with each other’s tongue.  Tentatively, Daniel ran his hand down Jack’s chest.  He carded through the soft hair before reaching his intended target.  Jack moaned deep as the nimble fingers toyed with the hardening nub of his nipple.  Emboldened by not being rejected, Daniel trailed his hand further down, following the happy trail of hair to the waistband of Jack’s boxers.  When he received no resistance, Daniel’s hand cupped his partner’s groin, pleased to feel it harden under his touch.

 

The bulge in Daniel’s shorts grew bigger with untold excitement.  This was Jack!  His hand was stroking Jack O’Neill’s dick.  As his brain completely wrapped around this fantasy come true, he had to try for more.  Kicking the covers off them, he slipped Jack’s boxers over his hips for better access.  His fingers wrapped around the fully engaged cock.  Daniel leaned back to find Jack’s face a mixture of awe and panic.  His dark brown eyes were wide with an anxious look, but he never moved to stop his friend from stroking the length of velvety skin. 

 

“I want you to jjjerk you off, J’ack,” Daniel said softly. 

 

The older man looked unsure at first, but nodded his head as he felt Daniel’s talented fingers ghosted over the ruddy head of his dick.  Jack lifted his ass and let his boxers be pushed down his legs.  As his cock jumped with anticipation, Daniel licked his lips and groaned deep in his throat.  The younger man scooted down and began to study the member with all the intensity that he would if Jack’s penis was a priceless artifact.  Daniel cataloged every place that would pull a moan or a thrust from his partner, for later investigation. 

 

Jack was a grower!  Daniel knew his CO was big.  Base showers leave very little to hide.  However, hadn't expected it to look so goddamn nice.  It reminded him of a smooth, fat Cuban cigar.  Long, and thick with a girthy swell that reached down to his balls.  The kind of mouth-watering thickness that just dared Daniel’s lips to wrap around it and suck for all he was worth.  The helmeted head, smooth and weeping.  His shaft arched gracefully over his lower abdomen.  The hairy sacks, heavy and malleable. 

 

Daniel inhaled the heady aroma of Jack’s masculinity.  He was drunk with the scent instantly.  He nuzzled the heavy balls as Jack spread his legs wider for better access.  Daniel concentrated on pleasuring the man lain out before him.  It was a surreal moment.  He gently, slowly pulled his own cock as he worked Jack higher.  His interest wasn’t his own pleasure at that moment, only the sensations he was giving his long-time fantasy lover.

 

Daniel could feel Jack’s moans and groans reverberate through his flesh and resonate deep down.  He could feel his heartbeat race, breath quicken, just through Jack’s dick.  Daniel’s breath came in short gasps as his excitement ratcheting higher with mounting tension.  Jack’s hips thrusted uncontrollably into Daniel’s hand.

 

He couldn’t wait any longer.  Daniel dove down and consumed the weeping cock to the root.  Jack gasped, but didn’t stop him.  The smooth skin tasted just as Daniel imagined it would.  Salty-sweet and positively male.  He was enthralled with pleasuring Jack with lips and tongue… nips and long slow sucks.  Running his tongue around the edge just under the dick’s head, Daniel was pleased at the sound that he pulled from Jack.  He wanted to express everything he had kept hidden for so long with this one act.

 

With eyes closed, hands fisting through Daniel’s hair, Jack let his linguist work the tongue he often cursed.  It took every ounce of cognizant thought not to thrust too hard into the mouth that ravaged him.  It had been so damned long since anyone other than ‘Rosy Palmer and her five friends’ touched him like this.

 

With one long suck from balls to tip, Jack cried out as he shot his load into his friend’s waiting mouth.  Daniel made sure to get every burst of semen that squirted down his throat.  When he was sure, that Jack was completely clean, he fell onto his back with a satisfied moan.  A few quick strokes of his own cock, Daniel came all over his hand and stomach.  It was phenomenal!

 

“That was better than I ever dreamed it would be, J’ack,” he said softly.  When there was no answer, Daniel looked over, afraid that maybe he went too far, too fast.

 

The look on Jack’s face was pure shock.  Eyes wide open, staring unseeingly at the ceiling and mouth agape.  All of Daniel’s fears rushed in on him.  He had done it now!  Jack would be kicking him out of his bed and maybe even out of the house any second.  With his heart dropping to his stomach, Daniel heard the disparaging voices begin their taunts. 

 

Faggot.  Worthless.  He’ll hate even looking at you now!  Just run away, like the little bitch that you are!  Run queer!!  Run!!

 

Daniel jumped from the bed and ran out of the room.

 

He was at the front door, trying to get it unlocked, fumbling through the tears that streamed down his face.  He didn’t care that it was winter in Colorado and he was only in sweatpants.  He just needed to get out of there as fast as he could.  If he froze to death before anyone found him, so much the better.

 

When he finally got the door open, it was slammed shut before he could move.  Jack stood there, fist on the door, a stony expression on his face.  Daniel backed away, terrified.  When the older man moved towards him, Daniel dropped to the floor, arms over his head as he curled into a tight ball, screaming.

 

“I’M SORRY!! I’M SORRY!! DON’T HURT ME!!”

 

Jack wrapped his arms around the terrified man, pulling him into his lap and caressing him.  With a soft and urgent voice, he whispered, “Danny, Danny, Danny.  I’m not going to hurt you.  Why the hell would I hurt the one person I love more than life itself?”

 

Daniel gasped, “but, but you looked like… like…”

 

Jack chuckled, “like I just had my brains sucked outta my dick!?  Well yeah… Daniel!  After a blow job that spectacular, what the hell did you expect from an old man like me?”

 

Daniel blinked.  Blinked again.  “You… you don’t hate me?”

 

“Good God, Danny!  You really don’t get it, do you?  I.  Love.  You!  I’m IN love with you.  And if that is the only thing you can keep at the forefront of that over educated brain of yours, so much the better.  I love you, Daniel Jackson!”

 

Jack leaned down and kissed him passionately, not letting him go.  He needed to be sure that Daniel understood what he told him.  The need for air separated the two men.  Daniel considered Jack’s eyes, seeing the warmth the bright brown orbs held for him.

 

Jack smiled, “Now, let’s get back to our warm bed before we catch pneumonia.  I really don’t want Fraiser hanging around to nurse us back to health.  I want you all to myself.”

 

Jack stood up, and pulled the still dumbfounded man off the floor, hugging him tightly.

 

With a smirk, Jack said, “Jesus, if I had known that you could give a BJ that skillfully, I wouldn’t have had to suffer with blue-balls the last several years!!” 

 

Daniel giggled as he padded along with him.  They both laid down and snuggled under the warm blankets, arms wrapped around each other.  After a few moments, Jack could feel Daniel smile against his chest.  His warm breath ghosted out, tickling the hair on his pecks as Daniel said, “I love you too, Jack.”

 

With a pleased grin, Jack hugged Daniel closer and began to wonder why this strong and independent man had crumbled so completely.  The younger man had stood toe to toe with Goa’ulds and never backed down.  Hell, he stood toe to toe with Jack himself.  Why was he so fragile this time?  The attack must have really triggered something deep down.

 

Running his fingers softly through Daniel’s hair, he asked, “Danny, why did you think I would hurt you?”

 

The man tensed for a moment.  It was a few minutes before he finally answered.  “Do you remember Steven?”

 

Jack nodded.

 

“We were in a relationship shortly after Sarah dumped me.  At first, it was great.  I thought I finally found someone to love and who loved me.  I was even quietly okay with being gay.”

 

Daniel shifted onto his side and propped his head in his hand, looking at Jack with sad eyes.

 

“Whenever he wanted me to, to give him a blow job, Steven was always rough with me.  He would hold my head as he fucked my mouth… violently.  He was the one that made me grow my hair long, so he had something to hang onto.  After he would cum, the next thing he did was haul off and slug me.  At first, I thought, wow, that was unexpected, but it was the same thing every time.  When he wanted to fuck me, he would throw me onto the bed… floor… chair, where ever, and start by hitting me until I stopped moving.  It was always from behind.  He said he didn’t want to look at me, he just wanted to get off.  That was his style I guess.

 

“Steven never cuddled or kissed.  Just beat me and call me names.  I don’t think he ever considered himself as gay… I was just his fuck doll.  The longer I stayed with him, the more violent he became.  When I tried to leave him, he broke my arm.  I almost failed that semester.

 

“I began to stay at the campus library all night, just so I didn’t have to be anywhere near him.  When I did go back to my room, he was always there… waiting.  One time with two other guys.  That was one of the longest nights of my life.  It was like being 11 years old all over again.”

 

Pausing, Daniel wiped at his eyes.  Jack stayed quiet, knowing how hard this was for his new lover to voice.  He rubbed Daniel’s back encouragingly.

 

“I transferred to Chicago University shortly after that and swore never to give-in to my sexuality again.  I drowned myself in my studies and ignored any feelings that would surface.  That was until I met a certain Colonel in the Air Force,” Daniel said with a shy smile.

 

Jack pulled him close and kissed him thoroughly.  “I promise not to tell that Colonel that your with me now, but you will have to break it off before we go any farther.”

 

The laugh Daniel gave him was as if angles were filling his room.